All areas of the city have individual names delineating one section from another. My family is originally from various areas of Center City, with a few stops in West Philly in the 1850's-early 1900's, but for 275+ years my family lived Schuylkill to Delaware, Vine to Pine. My parents moved to a beautiful section of Philadelphia, bought a big old twin, and I basically grew up in Northwood, a subsection of Frankford, which is part of the North East, where the edge of St Martin of Tours Parish, and St Joachim's overlapped. (Again, this is another way that real Philadelphians figure out where you live)
I had a few buds from the Pennsport area when I was growing up, so 3rd and Emily, Wharton and Moyamensing, 2nd and Reed, Front and Titan were frequent stops for me once I got my drivers license. Of course other than calling it Two Street, it was as basic as, I am going to Eric's house, or over to Joey's to drink beer with the guys. I had the basic familiarity of the neighborhood when I answered the craigslist ad for bartenders and servers back in 2007, and walked into what had once been the old gravy boat known as La Vigna. It had been renovated and changed into a modern Philly corner taproom. I fell in love at first sight.
I got the job, and started a week later. The bar was a hit, the food incredible, the staff fun and knowledgable, and it had a great clientele. I knew a few of the people that would stop in from growing up with guys in the neighborhood, and some of the gays from my stint in my 20's bartending in gay bars. Eventually the bar settled into a fun rhythm and on Wednesdays I waitered, the bartender was the owner's Brother Brendan, and the same crew would sit at the bar.
The customer base was 25% gay, 30% locals, 35% hipsters and 10% other. On Wednesdays there seemed to be a larger outpouring of local gays into the bar, so the conversation was always interesting. Brother Brendan is one of those guys that you just like. Even when he is telling you to Fuck Off, you keep thinking, man this Kat is cool.
Brendan has the other Philly voice, not the deep mumbled drawling stereotype "Ay-yo Aydriuhn" of Sylvester Stallone, he has the more common Joe Pesci Staccato filled filled with Djiet's, Aye's, Yeo's, heh's and Etcha's. At least twenty times a night you would hear "Ay-Yo! Jimmie!" from behind the bar. We genuinely liked each other, and working was a fucking riot, since we both talk too damn much and neither of us use the filters god gave us. I only work with him one day a week, but we have a great time, and it is usually the highlight of my work week. We usually had a cool crowd of regulars, couples, singles, old friends and lots of people in the restaurant business that would wander in have a drink and hang for the evening.
One of our favorite regulars is JnJ. They are a long term gay couple roughly my age, and everyone on the staff thinks they rock. They love food, booze, have wicked senses of humor, and are goofy, smart and wonderful. Every Wednesday night the younger half of JnJ would come in to hang out with me, Brendan and Princess Crazy Pants.
Brendan overheard me ask Jay where his Husbear was. Which led to the following exchange.
"Huh, Aye Jimmie, WTF's a Husbear?"
"Thats John, since the guys are bears, I changed husband to husbear."
"Huh?" replies Brendan with a quizzical look on his face "UhKay, Bears? Wazzat mean?"
"Bears are the gay worlds version of regular guys. Some are fat, some are muscled, most are hairy, they are just kind of guys. There are Polar Bears, Black Bears, Daddy Bears, Grizzlies, Cubs, Wolves, Silver Foxes, Otters. There are all kinds of Classifications" I reply.
Now at this juncture the bar has five people, me, Brendan, Jay, a little lesbian bowling ball from the kitchen, Princess Crazy Pants (who grew up on a lesbian commune in Upstate New York) and Pro Soccer Player, who is sitting at the end of the bar thinking where the fuck am I, and why can't I watch ESPN in peace.
"Jayzus," Brendan squawks, "Well WTF. Polar bears? WTF are you Jimmie?"
Jay shoots in with,"He is a Red Fox, duh. Well, you could be a Muscle Ginger Bear too, but I would say Red Fox."
"Uh huh, OK, well what am I?" Brendan wants to know.
"Oh you are an Otter, dude." I reply
"An Otter?! I don't wanna be an Otter, WTF makes me an Otter Jayzus, why Da Fuck do I have to be an Otter, Can't I be something more manly? WTF, Jimmie you get to be a Fox and I have to be an Otter? That sucks I wanna be a Fox. Or a Bear. Jayzus," Leaning back against the cash register, Brendan has a downtrodden look on his face. Suddenly remembering Pro Soccer Player is at the end of the bar,"Hey Buddy you ok downaire? Yous need a beer, you OK? Cool"
Laughing I say, "You know that Otters are the rarest and the hottest of the Bears right? Think about an Otter dude, Otters are slender, sleek, sexy and move fast You're hairy, slender, ripped, and hard to catch."
"Huh, cool, UhKay, so I am like the Stud Missile of the Bear Clan huh? Ay-YO Imman Otter!"
Laughing I gather up Jay to give him a lift home, say good night and out the door we go. The following Wednesday, we are all in the same spots at the bar, when Brendan Says,"Ay-Yo Jimmie, I was doin some research on the web, did you know that Bears have their own Porn?"
"Ummm, yeah I did, and exactly how did you know this fact?" I reply.
"I was on wikipedia, and there was this link, so I followed it. I was like, Whoa WTF! Thems some big dudes."
"Yeah, Bears are many a splendid thing. Well since you have gone this far, your research assignment for next week is to explain the difference between Plushies and Furries." I laughingly respond as I head out the door.
"Plushies? WTF Jimmie, Ay-YO, don't leave me hangin like dat! Yo Jimmie!"
"Hey you guys need a beer? You OK downnaire? Hey, any of yous know this? WTF is a Plushie?"
No comments:
Post a Comment