Jimisms, Slippery Jimisms

We all know the cutesy sayings, If you sprinkle, when you tinkle.... When life gives you lemons... A bird in the hand... Well as I have moved on in life, I have developed a lexicon of completely inappropriate things I say. Here is a short list of more stupid things I have said.

That will go over like a balloon at a porcupine picnic. pop. popopopop POP (and yes, the sound effects are required)

Listen, you can blow as much sunshine up my ass as you want, it doesn't mean I am gonna puke a rainbow.

After a particularly loud belch... Just trying to remember his name, Just trying to remember his name.

Do I have "Hi, my name is Julie and I will be your cruise director tattooed on my forehead?"

DAMN! I would tap that like a keg at an AA meeting.

I wouldn't cross the street to piss on her head if her hair was on fire.

Don't knock on doors you ain't willing to walk through, buddy

I am swinging my tits like a stripper trying to pay off a pimp, and NOW you want me to do what?!

I sweat like a fucking whore on dollar day (this one sometimes gets changed to like a lawn sprinkler when in new company)

I may swear like a sailor who swallowed the burning coals of Hell, but I do have morals.

You just never know when something inappropriate will pop out of my mouth, and I like it that way. If you listen to the words, you probably won't get hurt.