Townhouse Schmounhouse, Gimme a hole in the ground

As I have stated, Mc Luscious is a good friend and a real estate client. When we began her search for a house, we were all over the place, condos, single family homes, on island, and off. Initially our search was confined to Stone Harbor NJ, since this was her original stomping ground. Eventually I convinced her that you get much more bang for your buck in Avalon, so we entered what was an unknown world for her. The price range varied greatly, so we looked at a LOT of properties. I primarily act as a buyers agent, so I LOVE looking at houses. I think it is a throwback to my childhood obsession with LEGOS, as well the fact that I originally studied architecture in college.

Mc Luscious and I dragged her poor children everywhere that we went, and I tried my hardest to keep them interested by making up games. I would say things like, there is something orange in this house, and you need to tell me what it is, or in the case of a townhouse in Avalon that was a REALLY good deal, a hidden room.

This was of course a source of fascination for her son, who I believe was five at the time. What kid doesn't like the idea of secret rooms, staircases etc so I thought OK cool the kids will entertain themselves while we go through the house. Since it was a nasty divorce the house was a bargain (ATTN men over 50, if you are going to bang the girl that makes the photocopies in your office, wear a condom, they can and WILL get pregnant and tell your wife)

After telling the kids about the room, Mc L and I wander around, I show her the secret room and wonder where the kids are, and I can't believe that they hadn't found it yet. The townhouse itself is is built on multiple levels with short sets of stairs taking you to different elevations in the house. It is really a clever use of staggered space. The garage is to the right from the ground floor entry, up a short flight of stairs to the living room / kitchen area with 16 foot ceilings, make a right, up another short flight to what is a bedroom or a den and a hall bath, then make another right and go up a larger staircase to the two master bedroom suites.

There is a bit of wasted space because of the varying elevations between the kitchen and the bedrooms on the 4th level of the house that the current owners have turned into a sleeping loft, complete with a TV for the grandkids. Mc L's daughter has found us, and is unable to find the secret room, so she is a bit pouty. She is a good kid though, and she patiently trails along behind us as we look in closets, at the view, and debate about the costs to renovate the bathrooms. As we wonder where her son has gotten to, suddenly we hear "I found it! I found the secret room!" Laughing we follow his excited voice downstairs and into the den. He isn't there. We look in the loft, and it's empty. His sister goes "COOL!" and immediately moves into the space.

In a TV moment, we look at each other and think "OH shit, where is he" Calling his name, he replies with "I am down here." Going down to the garage level I think he may have found a closet we missed, or possibly a mechanical room. No we are confronted by a mildly filthy five year old, excitedly telling us he found the room. Taking his mothers hand he excitedly pulls her into the garage. I have NO idea what he may have discovered, so I follow just a step behind.

"It's back here!" he excitedly exclaims. Dropping to all fours he suddenly disappears under a small over hang at the back of the garage, behind a stack of bikes and surfboards. WTF? Is he pretending it is a room back there? Is this some kind of fort in the mind of a five year old? NO.

Squatting down, I look under the over hang to see his small butt wiggling through a small square hole in the wall as he disappears under the foundation of the house. GREAT, some houses have cockroaches, some have mice, others have bats in the belfry. Only I manage to bring an infestation of five year old boys into a $750K townhouse with a pool and a boat slip.

Yelling his name, we tell him that while it is cool he found a hidden room, that wasn't the one we were talking about. Dusting him off, and picking spiders from his hair, we usher him upstairs to the secret room in the house, and while he liked the idea of being able to drop things into the kitchen, he was remarkably non plussed by the loft area.

Oh well, can't win them all, thank goodness my clients aren't five year old boys, but next time I find a cave filled with spiders, I will know who to call.